Yet I can’t help but scream in my head “THIS IS NOT THE FACE OF A NEARLY 17 YEAR OLD.” Maybe if I cut my hair I would look younger but fat chance I’ll be doing that. My hair shall stay long until I react the age when you just look stupid, and since I look young anyway that’ll be later than normal.

Going away from my baby face though, I decided to write this blog on the subject of ‘Come Dine with Me.’ What is it about this show that is so captivating? It’s certainly not the food - no one gives a crap about tv cooking shows you just watch them if there is nothing else on except a politics show. Yet it cannot be denied, that it’s brilliant. Something always goes wrong, people always fight, and the personalities are reoccurring. For example:

1. The business man. He gives the impression of being quite well off and successful, but his house is a normal size when you get to see it. Whatever it says on the menu, he pretends to know what it is and makes some comment like “oh she’ll have to make sure she marinates the cauliflower in salted dog shite” while rubbing his fingers together.  Generally he’s a pervert, making suggestive jokes throughout the week, and is taking part in the show to feed his huge ego. Tells the gay he hopes they can be lifelong friends, because he doesn’t have any gay friends. Tends to come last because he pisses everyone off, even though he tries with all his might to brown-nose them.
2. The quite 20-something woman. Doesn’t do/say much until she is the host and we suddenly remember she exists. She often wins because everyone thinks she’s super nice and funny. We the viewer just never get to hear her fantastic jokes.
3. The young gay. He is always tall and slim with dark hair. You wonder why he’s gone on the show, since his food is always shite, but he is inventive with language e.g. “I’m sweating like a Weight-watcher in a cake shop.” Young gay gets on well with the 20-something woman, but is constantly trying to avoid advances from the cradle snatcher.
4. The middle aged gay/hysterical woman. This is what you get depending on the gender. They’re the ones who never shut up and get drunk off the cheap wine. In some episodes, they have themed nights which usually involve them wearing comical outfits and playing silly games. Tries to embarrass the business man and (if the gay) lives with parents.
5. The bitchy cradle snatcher. This ‘glamorous’ woman tends to be overweight and thinks she’s God’s gift. Says that everyone’s food is horrible, sometimes to their face, and tries to flirt with the young gay. This woman looks like mutton dressed as lamb and is always at loggerheads with the business man, who doesn’t like her either but still pervs on her. Wears too much makeup and seemingly lives alone, because she’s so frightening. Foreign/Common, but always a snob.

I’ve yet to see a week where there wasn’t at least 2 or 3 of these types of people and to be honest I think they make the show what it is - that and the sarcastic voice-overs.